My cufflinks are made of molars,
but I ain’t a dentist,
pry ‘em out from high-rollers
who got a bit too drunk
it’s the only hobby I’ve got,
work all day to pay my rent
my adornments? Never bought!
the chase holds all the fun
but when the clock is nearing two,
well then I work for free
it seems the only thing I do
is hunt for my next piece
so won’t you join me for a ride?
step into my car!
have a seat, it’s cold outside!
two twenty-five a mile
I see a straggler stumbling down
the famed boulevard Sunset,
“Come on, man, I’m the best in town!
I’ll tell ya what, it’s on the house.
I don’t want you in public drunk,
the cops here love to beat,
they’ll break your face, call you a ‘punk’,
and laugh when you cry ‘please’
so come on, man, step on in!
out there, you’re sure to freeze!”
It’s always easy when they’re wasted,
usually, they give me praise,
they’d never guess what they last tasted
will be the last thing in their gut
sometimes, they say that where I’m going
is not where they asked me to
so through the vents, N2O flowing
puts them to sleep, but I’m immune
I take this one to my garage,
then slit his jugular
his birth marks go to my collage,
his moles go in my freezer
thankfully, my seats are plastic,
so the blood cleans easily,
just some bleach, nothing drastic,
but DNA needs elbow grease
yet I rarely even bother,
I’ve bought off all the police,
I know some got an eye on me,
but trust me, I don’t sweat,
I flash some cash so they don’t see
what I do every morning
I use pliers to get those teeth,
then drag him to my tub,
to get the acid underneath
that pesky body cavity
I make my cuts steady, slow
but “where” is my secret,
there is one thing I’ll tell ya, though,
you gotta puncture the lungs!
the chemicals are secrets, too,
but on the cheap, use vinegar,
some hot water, let ‘em brew!
plastic will cover the smell,
cover the tub, weigh it down,
if it’s real, I’ll go to Hell,
but I prefer to think
A few days pass, I drain the tub,
the acid melts the fat,
pull off some flesh, but never scrub!
(you’ll mess up the bones)
the base solution that is next
can be a bit corrosive
don’t be afraid, it’s not complex,
it’s Chem 101
it’s surprising, but the body’s frail,
it breaks down so easily,
rip off the flesh that now is pale,
scoop organs out by hand,
if they sit too long, they’re sure to swell,
a cracked skull’s never planned!
Now that he is clean and sterile,
I can turn him into art!
nothing spruces up apparel
like a personal flair
his back, to me, is beyond perfect,
the best vertebrae I’ve ever seen!
I’d love to turn some to a necklace,
make a pipe from tib and fib,
but to keep his skull is reckless,
what with dental records
oh, his phalanges tickle my fancy,
I think I’ll stain ‘em red,
his ribcage to my dog, Nancy,
the rest I’ll grind to dust!
The clock strikes two, and I’m down Sunset
and see a maiden fair,
“Come on, miss, don’t you fret,
this ride’s on the house!”
the greatest tragedy here is that bars in the united states close at 2…
also, how do i make subscripts on wordpress? the “2” in nitrous oxide is a subscript in ms word.