, , , , ,

I’ve robbed myself of wisdom
seeking simple fixes
for pointless fascinations
that I grew too strong

I’ve made a few mistakes,
much worse than their words,
believing the sweet lies
that I told myself

I feel I’ve lost the time
to every fully heal,
the only thing I’ve learned
is that I am a fool




, , , , , , ,

I’ve heard tales of a place
that no one sane should see
yet one night, against my hopes,
cursed visions came to me
those sordid tales did oh so little
justice to this place
woeful was the heavy air,
and sulfur was it’s taste
the sky was warping, ever changing,
bringing Daemons down,
they spoke to me, in tongues unlearned,
so shrill was their sound
demanding so relentlessly,
those Daemons ordered sin
and when I uttered my first protest,
they ripped off my skin
laughing, they reiterate
that I should kill my kin
that I should burn an orphanage,
and slice a toddler thin
the buildings that surrounded me
did waver and did crumble
I stress, there never was an earthquake
for I did not stumble
simply a display of power
instilling such fear
ensuring I never question
evil in my ear
and as I stood and entertained
the actions that they preached,
one stepped forward, and for my heart
she slow slowly reached
her nails, like daggers, pierced my chest,
just butter – no resistance,
around my heart, she gripped and pulled
singing sins with such persistence
with her free hand, she caressed my chest,
consumed my heart with glee,
she softly whispered in my ear,
“Fire will set you free”
she placed two hands upon my shoulders,
and on my cock, a third
skillfully, she tugged and pulled,
until my vision blurred
I splattered cum into her hand,
and she licked it clean
once more she whispered, sternly now,
the joys of gasoline
like a worm into my ear,
her words did burrow deep,
an endless echo, cursed to me
until eternal sleep
she coyly pulled my face to hers,
and trace my chin with her finger,
then she tangled in my beard,
and there she would linger
she promised me eternal life
if for her, I would slay,
and if I would just eat some children,
with her, I could lay
and, my friends, it tantalized
to follow her commands
to bathe in fresh spilled sweetened blood,
or whatever she’d demand
and if you asked me, on this day,
if I’d repeat my course,
relentlessly, I would say, “Yes”
until my voice drew hoarse
for, it’s sad, I’ve seen no pleasure
quite like homicide
and for her touch, I’d gladly choose
in Hell to reside
so to her, I promised my soul,
and vowed to her my life,
her eyes, they glistened, as she smiled
each crooked tooth a knife
she bit my neck and she devoured
every ounce of me
and in my dreams, every night,
her face is what I see
seldom does she speak a word,
but I know her task
always, it is her command,
never does she ask
and each day that has gone by
since that fateful night
has been devoted to my queen
for she is always right
I hope that she does deem me worthy
when I finally die
I long for her malicious kiss
and to be at her side

took fuckin months due to writers block, but i finally finished this on sunday

shower thoughts


, , , , , ,

In this life of sin and dirt,
every day is hell
surrounded by a sea of sand
and drowned in diesel’s smell
every day that I wake up
is just a fucking curse
and every torture I survive
is a harbinger for worse
I try to find some joy in life –
a pitiful existence
the only thing to keep me sane
is my cancer’s persistence
I hope that some day coming soon
I may finally die
but life is simply far too cruel,
and that hope’s a lie

thought this up in the shower. unedited and unrefined, just felt like publishing something as ive had little inspiration as of late. stay weird



, , , , , ,

I am over-worked
and severely under-paid
I struggle to remember
when I last got laid
I am just so tired
all the fucking time

I drink away my problems
long into the night
I force myself to smile
in this state of blight
I dug myself a hole
that I cannot climb

I want things to get better
but to myself, I’m cruel
to give myself some hope
just makes me a fool
eternally a nightmare
is this life of grime


i lost my password to this site, just got it back (conveniently on the 5th anniversary of me making this)

i left my current notebook in my friends car last night and i dont see her too much, so hopefully i get it back soon. ive been writing a piece (dark fiction) thats based on schizophrenia. i like it, but i hit hard core writers block on it. ive been working on it for almost two months. im at 3 pages right now, with most of the first two pages being written in like a day, then like close to a month break, then another page. idk the voice is a bit different for that last page so i might scrap it when i get it back

anyway, heres a teaser for anyone who still visits here

“she placed two hands on my shoulders
and on my cock, a third
skillfully, she tugged and pulled,
until my vision blurred”

heres hoping i get it back soon


Faery Moon


, , , , , ,

To taste forbidden fruit
is my tongue’s desire
such sweet, supple flesh
lights my loins on fire
I will search and seek,
hunt through every mire,
until that thorn-ed fruit
I, at last, acquire

just something i jotted down on lunch at work. i appreciate that its not like my normal stuff, but fuck it, its my page. anyways, trying not to burn myself out like i did for almost 2 years. i will try to post with some semblance of regularity, but it probably will rarely be those long story-poems or the hyper gruesome ones. probably just little snippets like this or random depressing pieces.

Acid Reign


, , , , , ,

Wrote this on acid the other week. Nothing special, but I don’t write much these days, and rarely write political stuff, so I figured I may as well post it

Acid Reign

On a night, cold and crisp,
my town did catch on fire,
and if I told you I was fine,
my friend, I’d be a liar
my house burned down, to the ground,
and oh, woe was me
and with the ember’s crackling sound
three witches – could it be?
their hair was wispy, wired knots,
their voices bred desire
no wonder was it blessed to me
that priests burned them in fire
their skin, so coarse, yet silken soft
enticed my every breath
yet hallow was the air inhaled
that reeked of rotting flesh
and on that night, cold as death,
my hollow world imploded
politicians, suited rats
fellate the banks – deep throated
and of this night, what did I learn
to call a leaking pen?
nothing, my dear, for this world
is just Lord Satan’s den
and it seems the time does end
for my life and poem,
my child, I’m running out of paper,
soot where once was loam
and for my last words, to you, I say,
please, don’t let me down
this world is turning quite to shit
thanks to the orange-haired clown.



, , , , , , , ,

My feet weighed down by concrete,
impeding my path forward
ever down, descending
falling, drowning, ending

With every inch of progress,
my luck, again, does shift
I am cursed to mire,
burn in Hades’ fire

I ought to just give up,
(that’s what I tell myself)
exalting drug abuse,
tightening my noose

i havent had the ability to access my internet in my apartment for like 3 fucking months. anyways, i didnt write much in that time due to an extended bought of depression that i guess im still technically in. if anyone still reads my stuff, hope this was worth the wait, although i doubt it. either way, i enjoyed it. just a time killer at work



, , , , , ,

I am just so tired
of ceaseless misery
I am cursed to suffer
my height is apathy
life is always cold,
so long, have I been numb
I think it’s finally time
that I, at last, succumb

My life is a cruel joke
and all my joy’s coerced
I tell myself I’m happy,
a lie I’ve long rehearsed

I can’t even die,
for it seems too cruel
to abandon the ones that love
this self-loathing fool
eternal, I shall suffer
with my every breath
too poor to buy a bullet,
too weak to beg for death

Queen of Ice


, , , , ,

All my worldly treasures
soon wilt to suffering
brief, are life’s pleasures
that wither and decay

I harvest my own sorrow
and feast upon my wrath
peaceful, is fate’s horizon,
with emerald fields of grass.


wrote this on the solstice while waiting for the bus. havent written much in a long time, so its nothing special, but felt the urge, so i hope you like it

Twigs and Bones


, , , , , , , ,

I chanced to meet a faery,
with vibrant, emerald skin
my heart, that long grew cold,
now warmed me from within
her hair glistened at sunset,
matched by her ruby lips
her skin: so silken soft,
now graced my finger tips

I used to beg of Life
to just let me decay
yet when she steps in sight,
there, I pray she’ll stay
now, I beg of Life
to grant me one more breath,
a chance to see her face
before my date with Death.

wrote this for my friend when she was having a very bad day. not really my style and i rarely write these days, so i hope its tolerable.

Gold-Digging Bore


, , , ,

nothing special, just venting

I truly could have sworn
that you were worth my time,
but it seems, alas,
I was so wrong

I thought we could have been
more than this coerced rhyme,
but it seems, alas,
I was so wrong

You wasted my time,
my effort, and my dime
I thought we could have been,
but I was wrong

Although I should be mad,
for you, I am so sad,
you sugar daddy is
a well-known perv

I truly wish good luck,
for you, and your fuck,
because in time, I know
that this will end

I’ve seen him play this game,
with about every dame,
many of whom were
my close friends

I guess that if you’re blind
to his endless trail of slime,
then you truly weren’t
worth my time

I hope you have some fun,
you and your chosen one,
but trust me when I say
that it won’t last

I’ve already found
a better soul than you
so I guess it’s time
to say “adieu”.



, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I lost myself in Eisenkor
amidst the city slums
I spent a few too many nights
with drunks, whores, and bums
I threw away all my hopes,
my dreams, and aspirations
my forearms quickly scarred from needles
and self-mutilation
the gravel roads consumed my blood,
my tears, puke, and piss
and evermore, with passing time
did normal feel like this
with nights so cold and days alone,
I just wanted to die
what once brought me great pleasure,
grew dull, even while high

I grew used to the idea
that my life was over
I made a few horrid mistakes
and smoked my four-leaf clover
I shared some passing pleasantries
with the other scum
but always, oh so quickly,
to my demons, I’d succumb
I ripped out all my hair,
a feigned guise of control,
to never have a nightmare,
my sleepless eyes turned coal

I spent a few months in the slums,
a stranger to myself,
each night, piss drunk on ogre sweat
and thrice, I raped an elf
how did my life turn to this hell?
I asked, aloud, in vain
I did it to myself
through hatred and disdain

One night, I truly had enough
so I slit my own throat
and when Death came to greet me,
he only cared to gloat
rhythmically, ol’ Death did mock me
and it seemed with ease
green maggots feasted on his eyes,
his odor made me freeze
his fleshless hand reached out to me,
I’ve prayed for Death’s embrace,
yet when I grasped his hand,
he just laughed in my face
he said that I already died,
at least, to the world,
I lost myself in Eisenkor,
so to hell, I was hurled

As my soul swam in fire
I felt I was home
finally, my heart at ease,
here, where demons roam
I even found a few old friends
from my time alive
and if I could be born again,
in hell, I’d still arrive
my life was one of constant error,
anger, vice, and sin
yet here, in this hell,
I’ve finally found my kin.


found this unfinished on the back of some old paperwork, so i finished it. i dont remember writing the top 2/3s, but hey, i figured if it came back to me, it was time to finish it and start writing again. also, still havent really figured out a title, so i figured id just give the narrator a random name and title it that way because tragedy. either way, hope i didnt fuck it up too much